Hilariously Funny Off-Color Jokes That Are Absolutely NOT SAFE FOR WORK Funny.com brings you the most raunchy, inappropriate and politically incorrect jokes to share with your coworkers when the boss isn’t around. From blondes and brunettes to politicians and proctologists, this collection of twisted jokes has something to offend everyone. So if you e-mail one to a friend, don’t forget to label it NSFW. How do you break the nose of a blonde? You place a dildo under a glass table. What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? Forty-five pounds. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? Forty-five minutes. Why is it so hard for a woman to find a sensitive, caring and good-looking boyfriend? Because those men already have boyfriends. Why are hurricanes normally named after women? Because when they come, they’re wild and wet, and when they go, you’ve lost your house and car. What’s the difference between a New York zoo and an Alabama zoo? The cages at the Alabama zoo have a description of the animal plus a recipe.
14.95 USD

"My granddaddy would get mad at all of us. He couldn't just get mad at one of us. 'Ain't nobody got... You know what? Go to bed! All y'all, go to bed!' It'd be like two o'clock in the afternoon. 'Go to bed!'" Bernie Mac, the royal king of the Original Kings of Comedy, is salty and pissed off. The Chicago-bred performer has issues to get off his chest, and he doesn't mince words when he lets loose. No surprise, his live appearances have earned him a reputation as perhaps the truest voice of modern humor. Now, Mac has captured his comedic genius in print with his hilarious debut book. Tearing through a wide range of topics with equal parts insight and irreverence, Bernie Mac shares views that may not sit well with everyone -- especially if you're caught in the crosshairs of his rants ("Kids today don't get the kind of injuries we used to get as children -- cut, bruised. Now, these lil' muh'fuckas just continuously get shot"). Still, his way of looking at the world will probably make you think and it's all but guaranteed to make you laugh. Taking on superstar athletes, the movie business, his fellow comedians, his marriage, and his friends and family ("You always knew when your grandmother was at home because her wig was on that little Styrofoam stand"), Mac unleashes side-splitting riffs on sex, religion, hygiene, money, and more. Nobody is safe; nothing is sacred. Not even Bernie himself. Throughout I Ain't Scared Of You, Mac turns his humor inward, firing off self-deprecating salvos about his golf game, his own personal hypocrisies, even his sexual prowess -- "Women got toys...You can't compete with no dildo." Mac's insights have earned him critical acclaim and international popularity. Now, I Ain't Scared Of You captures Bernie Mac's humor whole -- unadorned, unpretentious, and unafraid.
11.99 USD

"My granddaddy would get mad at all of us. He couldn't just get mad at one of us. 'Ain't nobody got... You know what? Go to bed! All y'all, go to bed!' It'd be like two o'clock in the afternoon. 'Go to bed!'" Bernie Mac, the royal king of the Original Kings of Comedy, is salty and pissed off. The Chicago-bred performer has issues to get off his chest, and he doesn't mince words when he lets loose. No surprise, his live appearances have earned him a reputation as perhaps the truest voice of modern humor. Now, Mac has captured his comedic genius in print with his hilarious debut book. Tearing through a wide range of topics with equal parts insight and irreverence, Bernie Mac shares views that may not sit well with everyone -- especially if you're caught in the crosshairs of his rants ("Kids today don't get the kind of injuries we used to get as children -- cut, bruised. Now, these lil' muh'fuckas just continuously get shot"). Still, his way of looking at the world will probably make you think and it's all but guaranteed to make you laugh. Taking on superstar athletes, the movie business, his fellow comedians, his marriage, and his friends and family ("You always knew when your grandmother was at home because her wig was on that little Styrofoam stand"), Mac unleashes side-splitting riffs on sex, religion, hygiene, money, and more. Nobody is safe; nothing is sacred. Not even Bernie himself. Throughout I Ain't Scared Of You, Mac turns his humor inward, firing off self-deprecating salvos about his golf game, his own personal hypocrisies, even his sexual prowess -- "Women got toys...You can't compete with no dildo." Mac's insights have earned him critical acclaim and international popularity. Now, I Ain't Scared Of You captures Bernie Mac's humor whole -- unadorned, unpretentious, and unafraid.
10.90 AUD

"My granddaddy would get mad at all of us. He couldn't just get mad at one of us. 'Ain't nobody got... You know what? Go to bed! All y'all, go to bed!' It'd be like two o'clock in the afternoon. 'Go to bed!'" Bernie Mac, the royal king of the Original Kings of Comedy, is salty and pissed off. The Chicago-bred performer has issues to get off his chest, and he doesn't mince words when he lets loose. No surprise, his live appearances have earned him a reputation as perhaps the truest voice of modern humor. Now, Mac has captured his comedic genius in print with his hilarious debut book. Tearing through a wide range of topics with equal parts insight and irreverence, Bernie Mac shares views that may not sit well with everyone -- especially if you're caught in the crosshairs of his rants ("Kids today don't get the kind of injuries we used to get as children -- cut, bruised. Now, these lil' muh'fuckas just continuously get shot"). Still, his way of looking at the world will probably make you think and it's all but guaranteed to make you laugh. Taking on superstar athletes, the movie business, his fellow comedians, his marriage, and his friends and family ("You always knew when your grandmother was at home because her wig was on that little Styrofoam stand"), Mac unleashes side-splitting riffs on sex, religion, hygiene, money, and more. Nobody is safe; nothing is sacred. Not even Bernie himself. Throughout I Ain't Scared Of You, Mac turns his humor inward, firing off self-deprecating salvos about his golf game, his own personal hypocrisies, even his sexual prowess -- "Women got toys...You can't compete with no dildo." Mac's insights have earned him critical acclaim and international popularity. Now, I Ain't Scared Of You captures Bernie Mac's humor whole -- unadorned, unpretentious, and unafraid.
4.99 GBP

BDSM Erotica. Madeleine is a beautiful young woman married to the wealthy and charming Robbie McKellar. Their once vibrant and often kinky sex life is destroyed when Robbie is confined to a wheelchair after he's wounded in the war. Though she does her best to adjust to her new life, Madeleine's passionate and unguarded need for sex sends her on Wednesday afternoon rendezvous with a bottle of Vodka, in a cheap motel, where she ruthlessly masturbates in scenes that are as disturbing as they are sexually satiating. Her fantasies about a sexual master lead her down the dark roads of submission and perversion. She binds her body, spanks herself and finally attempts an anal rape with an enormous dildo. Wracked by guilt and shame, Madeleine abruptly ends her weekly romps, but her punishing desires only become more demanding. Twice in her past Madeleine has succumbed to sexual clashes with an old friend of the McKellar family, political writer Daniel Prothero. In stolen moments of unbridled passion, Daniel forced her to confront the truth about her submissive nature. Though she once swore him off, it is to Daniel that Madeleine turns when her savage desires cannot be contained. She proposes that he take over the punishment and abuse she's come to crave. Soon, his domination of her becomes as determined and relentless as her wildest fantasies, opening up shocking new places of depravity in this once respectable young wife. But what happens when Robbie sees the evidence of punishment on her well-marked flesh and she's forced to confess the truth about her shameful infidelity? Will Robbie throw her out or will he choose to punish her himself? A lusty tale of romance, infidelity and sadomasochistic desire. Graphic sexual content.
7.00 USD

A collection of five erotic stories with mixed and varied themes. Sticky Notes by Sommer Marsden Something's got Loren so horny she's squirming but Steven's got an early night. Inspiration strikes in the form of a post it note - she leaves a brazen message on his morning coffee pot. What's his wildest fantasy? Lucky for Loren, he isn't too shy to leave an answer. And she's about to find out just how much passion you can cram into a tiny little sticky note. Visions of Marlon by Dineen Riordan Summer heat can do strange things to people. It can turn a hunky bricklayer into a vision of the young Marlon Brando, and the woman that watches him into a voyeur who fantasises about cheating on her puritan husband. Brando the builder approaches the house as the heat rises, challenging her to sacrifice her inhibitions and recreate movie scenes that would barely get past the censors. Upside down with a tub of Yoghurt by Sally Quilford Charity is intent on corrupting her beautiful fianc Ben. Even if the setting is a weekend away in a cottage with his apparently religious and uptight family - including Uncle Jack the Reverend. And even if Uncle Jack decides Charity's not the one for his nephew, she's not going to let her handcuffs and a tub of delicious cherry yoghurt go to waste. Cocksucker by Lori Selke Her boyfriend is a shy boy. He's nervous about telling her what he wants. She's curious, too: why exactly does he want to suck her fake dildo-dick? He kneels in front of her and she stands with her purple strap-on pointing right in his face, carefully working her way through his fantasies to discover what he deep down really wants, even if he's too scared to admit it. On the Beach by Primula Bond A deserted sandy beach is the perfect spot for a little nude sunbathing. And a bit of sunbathing so easily turns into a bit of teasing. She's enjoying her own body when she realises that a beautiful, stray young surfer has washed up on the beach next to her. He's thirsty, and she's got a full bottle of lemonade that she's happy to share - things are bound to get fizzy. These stories have also been published in Five Minute Fantasies Three ISBN 9781905170715.
4.59 USD

Welcome to the America we don’t usually talk about, a place where that nice couple down the street could be saddling up for “pony play,” making and selling their own porn DVDs, or hosting other couples for a little flogging. As award-winning journalist Brian Alexander uncovers, fringe experimentation has gone suburban. Soccer moms, your accountant, even your own parents could be turning kinky. Stunned by the uninhibited questions from ordinary people on his msnbc.com column, “Sexploration” (“My wife and I have heard that a lot of couples in their thirties are playing strip poker . . . as well as skinny-dipping with other couples/friends. Any idea if this is a fashionable trend or has it been going on for some time and we never knew it?” or “I am interested in bondage and hear that there are secret bondage clubs someplace. Can you help me find them?”), Brian Alexander was driven to understand Americans’ desire to get down and dirty—especially in an era where conservative family values dominate. To find out what people are really doing—and why a country that suffered a national freak- out over Janet Jackson’s breast was enthusiastically getting in touch with its inner perv—Alexander set out on a sexual safari in modern America. Whether mixing it up at a convention of fetishists, struggling into his own pair of PVC pants for a wild night at a sex club, being tutored on dildos by a nineteen-year-old supervisor while working in an adult store, or learning the surprising ways of Biblical sex from an evangelical preacher, Alexander uses humor and insight to reveal a sexual world that is quickly redefining the phrase “polite society.” Gonzo journalism at its funniest and kinkiest, America Unzipped is a fascinating cultural study and an eye-popping peek into the lives of people you’d least expect to find tied up and wearing latex. One Dozen Things to Avoid When Exploring American Sex 1. Asking an enthusiastic devotee to explain cock-and-ball torture while standing within arm’s length. 2. Assuming an evangelical Christian will not be familiar with the term “69.” 3. Incredibly tight PVC pants. 4. Trying to become the first male sex toy home party salesman in Missouri. 5. Standing too close to bondage models without wearing overalls and safety goggles. 6. Insisting that Dan Quayle would never invest in porn. 7. Displaying a look of surprise when a grandmother discusses the risk of removing a dildo from a microwave oven. 8. Admitting your sex vocabulary is smaller than an eighth grader’s. 9. Explaining the difference between “cream pie” and “gonzo” to a suburban mom shopping for her son’s birthday sex DVDs. 10. Trying to interview a naked submissive locked on a cage. 11. Expecting answers about sex from a six-foot-tall pink rabbit. 12. Thinking that porn kings could not possi
11.99 USD

<p>Kinky girls come in many shapes and sizes, but all share some common qualities. They live for pleasure - both to give it and receive it - and they're definitely not afraid to push the sexual boundaries to realise their goal. Whether it's bondage, role play, toys or al fresco loving, nothing comes between a girl and her kink - unless she wants it to, of course!</p###gt&<p>For these wild women, variety is the spice of life and sexperimentation is the key to finding complete satisfaction.</p###gt&<p>A Member Of The Profession by Angel Propps</p###gt&<p>A beautiful, bored trophy wife offers a desperate young woman the chance to make some much needed money in an unexpected but thrilling way. She agrees and after being tied to her buyer's bed she finds herself getting far more from the bargain than she dreamed of.</p###gt&<p>Arjun's Wedding by Carmel Lockyer</p###gt&<p>Melinda's got to attend a wedding, her ex's best friend's wedding. That would be bad enough, but add in that it's an Indian wedding, her ex will be there with his new lady, and Melinda doesn't have a dress to wear. There's only one thing for it - find a new man, test drive the biggest dildo in Birmingham and develop a totally new take on the uncle of the bridegroom.</p###gt&<p>The Clearing by Chris Ross</p###gt&<p>Lucy likes nothing better than a spot of sunbathing and the chance to top up her all over tan. There is no one but her in the forest clearing so she strips off completely and indulges in a little girl fun while she is alone. Then she realises someone is watching her and she invites him to join her.</p###gt&<p>Libertines by Cyanne</p###gt&<p>Paris, at the turn of the century, Art Nouveau - a time of change. The artist tells her he has lots of money. He asks her to be his muse. She was such a simple country girl, but now she is drawn into a dark underworld of absinthe-induced sex and art and finds herself posing naked and allowing men to touch her for the artist's pleasure. Will she ever escape from this debauched underworld and does she really want to? </p###gt&<p>One Night Only by Alex Severn</p###gt&<p>Danny didn't fancy Eva when he first started working with her. There were better looking women at the office, and ones easier to get along with. Eva was an ice queen. </p###gt&<p>At least that's what he thought until the night she invited him back to her flat for a One Night Only offer. By the end of the evening he has discovered that Eva does not like to be disobeyed. But that's OK because by then he is ready to do absolutely anything for her. </p###gt&<p>Confessions by K D Grace</p###gt&<p>Confession is good for the soul, but Hail Marys and Our Fathers aren't nearly enough to gain absolution when Jilly confesses to an unsuspecting priest that confession makes her come. </p###gt&<p>Doctor's Orders by Brandon Burnham</p###gt&<
9.99 USD